??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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