You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
