just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
