Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
