i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
this just has baby written all over it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
