Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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