Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
