Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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