we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pants are for mortals
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
