A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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