Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
