Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
