My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need to calm my uterus...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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