i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
