There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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