yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
