Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
