i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize