physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize