i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
