Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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