this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
