Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
