just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize