I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's Friday. Sex?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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