Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I will die if light touches me.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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