Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
