Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
