She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish you could order shots online.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
