seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
