it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
