Do you still have your period?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
