Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
