Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize