im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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