Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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