And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
