He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
