My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
