Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
