We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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