ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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