The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
