i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
