ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
