we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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