I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he puts the penis in happiness.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
