Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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