3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
