She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
