Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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