He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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