Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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