I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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