omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
