Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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