Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize