that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize