The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
