There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
they're like a gay fantastic four
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
