i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
