This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
